Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you traded sex for a burrito?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
