Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
