well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
