Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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