I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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