he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think a kid would responsible me up
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
