It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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