he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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