were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
