dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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