Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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