People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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