then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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