i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
