If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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