Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
