Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
