I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
NoShamevember. You game?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
