I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize