Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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