I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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