I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
