Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
