4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
