Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
