I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
