hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
