Dual....:-)
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize