you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
