yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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