I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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