I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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