i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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