The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
