Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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