Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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