This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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