Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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