my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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