happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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