I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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