i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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