Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
