You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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