I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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