Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
