I was born with a shot glass in my hand
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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