It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
