His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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