I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bet he comes in French.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
