I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
