her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
