I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
