All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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