Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize