No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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