When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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