The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
