I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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