would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
