Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
