Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
