Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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