I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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