Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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