I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize