Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
