I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
