She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
