I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Welp...herpes.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
