she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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