What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize