are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
