We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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